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Literature Text
The first thing she could feel when she opened a bleary eye was the cold. It was a moment before she could feel anything else. She lay there, in some surreal state of nothingness for a few minutes-or perhaps, it was an eternity. She did not know-she was not aware of time. Finally, the hard floor began to hurt her and the cold was beggining to chill her bones. Painfully, she got up.
She began to feel weak, drained. Gone was the nothingness- in its place was malevolent something. She did not know what.
Where am I?she thought.Who am I?
Clutching her stomach she began to inspect the room. Closest to her there was a mirror-she looked at her reflection and was surprised at her own beauty. There was a bed, a ceiling fan, a locked door, some items here and there. This was almost like a room. But nothing was familiar to her, not even her own reflection.
Where could I possibly be? she wondered. Perhaps, I have been kidnapped,and am living in someone else's house? Perhaps there was an accident, and I have forgotten who I am?
Her stomach began to rumble and she spotted food on a plate near the door. Why was the door locked? Why couldn't she leave? She devoured the food instantly
-wherever she was, she was not being starved.
Soon, I'll remember everything, she thought. Then I'll find a way to escape from here.
A migraine struck her. She just managed to limp back to the same place she'd been lying in before, as she succumbed once more to the engulfing, terrible darkness that she could not defeat.
Her figure lay there- in the exact same position it had been in for 364 days now. Like a slender, broken doll, not a scar on her ethereal, perfect beauty. Her delicate form heaved steadily, almost musically, with her rhymthmatic breathing. Tommorrow, she would complete a year in this strange world.
She did not know this. Time meant nothing to her. Nothing meant anything to her.
_______________________________
"You're awake" came a voice.
She opened her eyes. There were people standing around her. She recognized them-they were her mother, father, little sister-as well a strange man who appeared a doctor. She remembered her name, her school, everything. But she did not understand. She gazed at her mother with questions in her eyes.
"Mamma..." she whispered.
"How're you feeling?" someone asked her.
"Fine"she answered nonchalantly.
"I'm glad you're awake" her mother said, with tears in her eyes.
"I was... asleep? How long?" she asked.
They looked at eachother, as though wondering what to tell her.
"The important thing is that your alright" her mother said gently, although her voice cracked with anxiety. "They'll be time for explanation later...."
_______________________________
She found out later that she'd been asleep for exactly one year. She was not in coma, she was not sick-there'd been nothing wrong with her except for that she seemed to have fallen in an eternal sleep. They put food in her room and it disappeared alright- but no one ever saw her awake. From what she could remember, and what she found out- there had been nothing wrong with her life. She had simply come home one day - announced that she was going to sleep and to wake her up when Mina, her little sister came home. Her parents had laughed, saying there was a year to that. How a year went by- no one really knew.
It was dark at night. She lay alone hugging her teddy bear. She'd had a long day of visitors and longed for the quiet. Somewhere, in some small part of her mind that was not occupied with herself, she realized that her sister was home, probably with a lot of honors and outstandings. But she doubted anyone was bothering with her. No one ever bothered with Mina.
Someone knocked on the door.
Why are they bothering me? she thought angrily. Why cannot I have any peace?
The knocking became louder.
I just want to be alone with myself she thought tiredly.
The knocking had become quite frantic now. But she couldn't hear- she had gone into a deep sleep, hugging her teddy bear. All her life-she had been haunted by a darkness no one else could see. She was only at peace while she slept. This time, there would be eternal peace-because she never woke up again.
She began to feel weak, drained. Gone was the nothingness- in its place was malevolent something. She did not know what.
Where am I?she thought.Who am I?
Clutching her stomach she began to inspect the room. Closest to her there was a mirror-she looked at her reflection and was surprised at her own beauty. There was a bed, a ceiling fan, a locked door, some items here and there. This was almost like a room. But nothing was familiar to her, not even her own reflection.
Where could I possibly be? she wondered. Perhaps, I have been kidnapped,and am living in someone else's house? Perhaps there was an accident, and I have forgotten who I am?
Her stomach began to rumble and she spotted food on a plate near the door. Why was the door locked? Why couldn't she leave? She devoured the food instantly
-wherever she was, she was not being starved.
Soon, I'll remember everything, she thought. Then I'll find a way to escape from here.
A migraine struck her. She just managed to limp back to the same place she'd been lying in before, as she succumbed once more to the engulfing, terrible darkness that she could not defeat.
Her figure lay there- in the exact same position it had been in for 364 days now. Like a slender, broken doll, not a scar on her ethereal, perfect beauty. Her delicate form heaved steadily, almost musically, with her rhymthmatic breathing. Tommorrow, she would complete a year in this strange world.
She did not know this. Time meant nothing to her. Nothing meant anything to her.
_______________________________
"You're awake" came a voice.
She opened her eyes. There were people standing around her. She recognized them-they were her mother, father, little sister-as well a strange man who appeared a doctor. She remembered her name, her school, everything. But she did not understand. She gazed at her mother with questions in her eyes.
"Mamma..." she whispered.
"How're you feeling?" someone asked her.
"Fine"she answered nonchalantly.
"I'm glad you're awake" her mother said, with tears in her eyes.
"I was... asleep? How long?" she asked.
They looked at eachother, as though wondering what to tell her.
"The important thing is that your alright" her mother said gently, although her voice cracked with anxiety. "They'll be time for explanation later...."
_______________________________
She found out later that she'd been asleep for exactly one year. She was not in coma, she was not sick-there'd been nothing wrong with her except for that she seemed to have fallen in an eternal sleep. They put food in her room and it disappeared alright- but no one ever saw her awake. From what she could remember, and what she found out- there had been nothing wrong with her life. She had simply come home one day - announced that she was going to sleep and to wake her up when Mina, her little sister came home. Her parents had laughed, saying there was a year to that. How a year went by- no one really knew.
It was dark at night. She lay alone hugging her teddy bear. She'd had a long day of visitors and longed for the quiet. Somewhere, in some small part of her mind that was not occupied with herself, she realized that her sister was home, probably with a lot of honors and outstandings. But she doubted anyone was bothering with her. No one ever bothered with Mina.
Someone knocked on the door.
Why are they bothering me? she thought angrily. Why cannot I have any peace?
The knocking became louder.
I just want to be alone with myself she thought tiredly.
The knocking had become quite frantic now. But she couldn't hear- she had gone into a deep sleep, hugging her teddy bear. All her life-she had been haunted by a darkness no one else could see. She was only at peace while she slept. This time, there would be eternal peace-because she never woke up again.
Literature
i.
Within blue eyes
anemone and starfish
abound, and seaweed eyelashes
move leisurely with the tides.
At sunset they sparkle,
lined with golden sand
and swirling without a sure direction,
becoming cloudy as a storm brews.
Beware, anger flashes across the surface,
where riptides catch the unwary
ships and sailors, wrecked
and broken amongst its depths.
Only the brave venture in,
attracted by the untameable,
roaring waves and sharp wind.
Eyes stinging, they enter the battle.
Slowly they themselves become blue,
the cold clinging to their skin,
sucking out all their warmth.
Then white as stone,
lips cracked and filled with salt
that leaves a bitter
Literature
On Writing
all the words
all the senses
all the dirt and smell and roughness
the bursting heart
fresh cold water
CRASH of waves and then the ache within
trickling nothing tears and itching legs
all these things
someone wrote them, a bit.
How can you tell anyone
else? How can you thrust
the living today
into someone else's soul?
This is just a nut in a banana leaf.
Literature
In the Syllable
...then there is a way in diswaiting.
Dust some yellow sand covers,
here uncover bare bedding.
...suffusing red planes, blushed dunes,
under incidentally quilted blanket
wet as arid curves, as sounds.
...in a persistent pavement,
in a solemn unsuited promise,
some written words erase
some letters drip and soak
unto a perfuse miracle,
a dislocated split,
a letting go of...
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I wasn't even on dA when #Writers-Workshop held Limited Character Salad hosted by `poprocksandcharlotte But thanks to The Workshop You Never Did #2 I got another chance to have a go.
Unfortunately, I'm already late, but I'm still going to try and fit heavy duty editing.
Unfortunately, I'm already late, but I'm still going to try and fit heavy duty editing.
Comments26
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Yeah--this was an immensely difficult workshop. I thought I'd got it right but seems I didn't
Anyway, the big thing about the workshop for me was the word limit. There are very strong, very specific feelings in this--her emptiness, the bewilderment, and so on--I think you should try getting these across in as few words as possible.
There are still a bunch of small errors in this; I assume you'll edit when you have the time since your work is usually pretty clean. The one confusion was the sentence "No one ever bothered with Mina."--is she Mina? (Nothing wrong with leaving it an open question like that, just know it's not clear.)
Considering the perspective and the requirements of the workshop, this wouldn't be easy to write no matter what. I think it's a good start, though it may have to start with more setting before jumping into her perspective.
Anyway, the big thing about the workshop for me was the word limit. There are very strong, very specific feelings in this--her emptiness, the bewilderment, and so on--I think you should try getting these across in as few words as possible.
There are still a bunch of small errors in this; I assume you'll edit when you have the time since your work is usually pretty clean. The one confusion was the sentence "No one ever bothered with Mina."--is she Mina? (Nothing wrong with leaving it an open question like that, just know it's not clear.)
Considering the perspective and the requirements of the workshop, this wouldn't be easy to write no matter what. I think it's a good start, though it may have to start with more setting before jumping into her perspective.