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Literature Text
There is no music playing for this soul to tap
Everything I've learned seems like a long thread that will snap
My discontentment, my loneliness deepens
With the brightness of the advancing spring
Since I am no longer a part of it's joy,
Or the warmth that sunshine ought bring
Every affection is like an aching nerve
Which music has always tended to serve
Passionate cries of imprisoned spirits
send tortured vibrations through me
Books are now barren source of comfort
This empty soul needs more to be free
In stories I search for what reality wont perceive
That there is some truth to the make believe
I can make dream worlds of my own
But no dream shall satisfy me now
I want the answers to the questions of life
Only that will pacify me now
Thus I yearn for wisdom, thus I in turn despise
A certain mirage that would now and then rise
What is real learning and true wisdom ?
Such as great men of wars and art learned-
The secret of life, by only the deepest
Of hearts is such understanding earned
Then you have found The Sanctuary- place of Holy peace
Where restless hearts & wandering souls finally find release
Everything I've learned seems like a long thread that will snap
My discontentment, my loneliness deepens
With the brightness of the advancing spring
Since I am no longer a part of it's joy,
Or the warmth that sunshine ought bring
Every affection is like an aching nerve
Which music has always tended to serve
Passionate cries of imprisoned spirits
send tortured vibrations through me
Books are now barren source of comfort
This empty soul needs more to be free
In stories I search for what reality wont perceive
That there is some truth to the make believe
I can make dream worlds of my own
But no dream shall satisfy me now
I want the answers to the questions of life
Only that will pacify me now
Thus I yearn for wisdom, thus I in turn despise
A certain mirage that would now and then rise
What is real learning and true wisdom ?
Such as great men of wars and art learned-
The secret of life, by only the deepest
Of hearts is such understanding earned
Then you have found The Sanctuary- place of Holy peace
Where restless hearts & wandering souls finally find release
Literature
Sanctuary Of Freedom
Accepting the chilling silence of eternal loneliness,
I surrendered to the war against my inner demons.
Ever lasting self misery hovered in my thoughts while
My head hung, face covered in a curtain of hair.
Lachrymal..
A single unseen tear free'd itself,
It trickled gracefully to the tip of my nose
And left me; descending as it glistened in the moonlight
And crashed to the dark soil beneath.
Reminiscence..
My history; filled with exquisite pain,
My memories; burning in luminous flames,
I could not attain tranquility.
I suffered immense doses of apathy,
Forgiveness forever toiled.
I was haunted with invisible scars.
Fists cle
Literature
we will and we are
we are the shred-shred-shredding of whatneverwas into kindling for whatwillbe.
we are bated-breath whispers crackling like an electric wire, slashed taut against the searing thick air.
we are a hiss of phoenix breath that rises into red-flung clouds and gives birth to a living spark.
we are flames lick-licking away our boundaries and incinerating our limits into a dusty trail of ashes.
we are fire.
and we are flying past in the night on paper horses, crying out with our feather quill tongues-
"come away, come away, for the torches are lit and the moon is hidden, and we are revolution."
---
we will scribble white-hot messages on the i
Literature
Effete
Your silence
beckons me,
pulls me out
of my dream.
There is a
veiled sunset,
yet I cannot
fully grasp
the beauty
you so wish
to portray.
I cannot escape
Death even
as it approaches.
No words form
upon my lips
to cast a curse
in any tongue.
-Brian Shuffett
June 13th, 2010
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Inspiration: "The Mill on the Floss" by George Elliot.
Special thanks to `leoraigarath and ~Elmara for really helping me make this poem better
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Special thanks to `leoraigarath and ~Elmara for really helping me make this poem better
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Comments35
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Overall
Vision Originality Technique ImpactThere is no music playing for this soul to tap
Peace seems to hang on a thread that will snap
The opening lines seemed like taken out of another time and place, well, almost at least. It seems to me that the entire poem is built around some "ancient" feel, as if the speaker is slowly decaying out of our perspective. I wondered why is it that this feeling not consistent though, because there's something inconsistent about this poem and I couldn't place my finger at first.
Then I realized that the reason might be the subtle undertone of broken rhythm. I mean, on one hand you have beautiful lines and flow, such in:
" Every affection is like an aching nerve "
And -
" With the brightness of the advancing spring "
Which really fit the spirit and frame you are trying to write within, but on the other hand you have lines that break it, such as:
" Send musical vibrations through my frame "
And –
" I can get lost in dream worlds of my own "
Which simply lack that flow, lack that complete sensation that is the strength of this poem. At the same time, as there is inconsistency in the flow, there is inconsistency in thought as well. A very good example would be:
" For my soul is hungry, thirsty and maimed "
There is no relation between the feel of hunger or thirst and self main, nor even a buildup. There should be something to lead the reader into the sudden realization of a maimed soul. Or on the other hand something that hunger and thirst lead to, something related. The reader needs a connection to understand those broken lines not only in relation to the entire poem, or stanza, but within itself. It hurts the genuine feel of the poem.
All in all it was a good read, but I feel that this poem needs more work and editing, let me know if you edit and I'd love to give this a second look <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/n/n…" width="15" height="15" alt="
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