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Literature Text
I've packed a
l i f e t i m e
in a 20 kg suitcase,
at a half an hour's notice
I've lived on the
e d g e
where it's easy to
and lose it all
I've been ruthlessly
j u g g l e d
by a cacophonous rickshaw
halfway across Karachi, and egg beaten
economy-class, on an over-crowded
train to Lahore,
One day
and have
n
w
o
l
f
first class to U.A.E
the next
Your eyes
follow me d
o p as I f l o a t a
w u w
n then a
y
Again and again,
but you'll never really catch me 'cause I'm never really there
You can't catch the wind
I've ridden clouds across the globe
and learned that the world is really
and we are just so
small
life has been going in
C
I
S R
E C
L
it's been a
b r e e z e
though anything but gentle
I've come and gone like the wind
And now I don't remember where I come from
and don't know where I'm...
g o i n g
l i f e t i m e
in a 20 kg suitcase,
at a half an hour's notice
I've lived on the
e d g e
where it's easy to
f
a
l
l
and lose it all
I've been ruthlessly
j u g g l e d
by a cacophonous rickshaw
halfway across Karachi, and egg beaten
economy-class, on an over-crowded
train to Lahore,
One day
and have
n
w
o
l
f
first class to U.A.E
the next
Your eyes
follow me d
o p as I f l o a t a
w u w
n then a
y
Again and again,
but you'll never really catch me 'cause I'm never really there
You can't catch the wind
I've ridden clouds across the globe
and learned that the world is really
big
and we are just so
small
life has been going in
C
I
S R
E C
L
it's been a
b r e e z e
though anything but gentle
I've come and gone like the wind
And now I don't remember where I come from
and don't know where I'm...
g o i n g
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Literature
Camisado
In a double dream, I must spell out the storm:
how the half moon spoke in reams
of folk lore, pipe dreams that tore
the sky in two. How the walls
began to blister and you, sister,
took your place beneath my skin.
We met stargrazing, your eyes electric,
lacing your lies, your intricacies,
like a cat's cradle. And I, stumbling, stuttering
on in a maze of scars. My modern morphia,
sister scarecrow, I'd follow you to the depths
of my chest: to the mumblings and fumblings
of my heart in the dark. To deceit and defeat
and the great empty longings beyond.
For this, this is how
the camisado begins: with broken people
under a broken st
Literature
the trip leading up to down
April 10th/7:45 a.m./Los Angeles, California
the cabby and I trade currency for courtesy
and talk along to the radio
the trip's half shorter than expected
so short
in fact
I stop and suddenly wonder
has someone started scripting without me?
April 10th/1:05 p.m./Portland, Oregon
I awake half-dazed
airport smaller than the airplane
river rapids literally ripping through the wall
I'm desperately trying to find the connection
between single parents & escalators
but there's an old woman with a harp
who keeps breaking my concentration
every chord's a celebration
of attentive capitalism
and there's something not quite right
with
Literature
Suspira - a first
The dandelions cried today.
Because after the dusktime,
Where lonely shadows
Take out their fraying edges,
Morning really has broken.
Words un-spoken, songs un-sung;
And morning, this time,
Doesn't quite cut it.
The blackbird's gone missing.
Sometimes I wonder
If it was ever really there.
Suggested Collections
Featured in Groups
No, NOT a military family.
Concrete Poetry held by #Writers-Workshop is a pretty challenging workshop, and I really put a lot of thought into this.... whatever thought i'm capable of anyway
Orginal, non edited version: [link]
#Critique-It
Does the typographical arrangement help in conveying the intended effect of the work? I could use a few more ideas, a zigzag, but where would I add it?
IMPORTANT: This poem does not view correctly in Internet Explorer
IE sucks. It's fine in firefox and google chrome. Don't ask me, I don't know =/
I ALREADY KNOW IT'S A CHEESY TITLE
If you've got another one lemme know =_=
Concrete Poetry held by #Writers-Workshop is a pretty challenging workshop, and I really put a lot of thought into this.... whatever thought i'm capable of anyway
Orginal, non edited version: [link]
#Critique-It
Does the typographical arrangement help in conveying the intended effect of the work? I could use a few more ideas, a zigzag, but where would I add it?
IMPORTANT: This poem does not view correctly in Internet Explorer
IE sucks. It's fine in firefox and google chrome. Don't ask me, I don't know =/
I ALREADY KNOW IT'S A CHEESY TITLE
If you've got another one lemme know =_=
Comments61
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Overall
Vision
Originality
Technique
Impact
It is definitely visually stunning, even without reading it, but the unique layout is also its downfall: I honestly have no idea what you were trying to convey here. Actually reading the text was quite rough on the eyes. Many of the formatting choices felt random, and I didn't understand why some words were spaced out and bolded.
On a grammatical note, ellipses (...) only have three dots, but that may be a stylistic choice here. I find it jarring and unnecessary, in addition to the places they're being used being somewhat awkward. The last one is the only one that feels right; all the rest cut into the flow of the poem.
Overall, I love the originality. I just wish there was more to grasp on to.